Saw this book at a local store and decided to buy it. There are 10 chapters, each accompanied by meditation exercises. It was interesting to see how for some of those, I had already spent a lot of time and reached the same conclusions myself.
Chapter 1: Self-observation. Self-examination is one of the most basic tools to help yourself, but also grow. Two magic questions to ask yourself:
- What is happening right now?
- What am I doing? What am I feeling? What am I thinking? How am I breathing?
- What do I want for myself in this new moment?
Change occurs when you become what you are, not when you try to become what you are not. […] Paradoxically, change seems to happen when you have abandoned the chase after what you want to be (or think you should be) and have accepted—and fully experienced—what you are.
Chapter 2: Uses of Fantasy. This chapter reminded me of the GEB fantasy rule, although in GEB the explanation is more technical whereas here it’s more psychological 🙂
Jack Stories is how our minds form an idea and convert it into a big fantasy, and then act as if it was real. The Self-fulfilling Prophecy says that if we truly believe in something, we will act in a way that will help create the prophesized event. Self-observation can help with this destructive usage of fantasies (self-torture):
- What am I getting for myself out of this jack story?
- What is my investment in continuing it?
Another thing that might help is diversion – think of some object and analyze it – look at all of its aspects, try to feel it, smell it, sense it, etc. If we allow these thoughts to stay in our heads, they will become fantasies. We need to continuously analyze our thoughts – if we think that someone thinks something about us, we need to ask ourselves if it’s us who project this.
The time you spend in your head can be used either constructively or destructively […] but before you can make a responsible choice, you need to learn to be aware of WHAT you are thinking. It’s a good idea to keep tuning into your mind to see what you’re thinking – Objective Observer
We have a subpersonality for each role we play in the world – the parent, the child, the boss, the employee, the daydreamer, etc. Self-observation can help with arbitrating among these subpersonalities.
Constructive fantasies: The “as-if” exercise: If you are feeling X, imagine how you would feel and all the things you would do if you were not feeling X. Another exercise is visiting the Temple of Silence – a place where no sounds are made, no words have been uttered, and once you enter you are surrounded in total silence. When you leave, the noise comes back.
After any of these fantasy exercises it is useful to record your experience in your bound notebook. […] Relating your fantasy to your life in the outer world is called “grounding,” and will save you from becoming a daydream junkie.
We ourselves are responsible and have created mental images that cause distress, and we have the power to substitute these with more pleasant images. The art of self-observation is a major method for learning how to take charge of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Chapter 3: Interpersonal Relationships
We should be straight with ourselves (and self-observant), and in this way, we can easily “happy” and “unhappy” ourselves with respect to the expectations we have for others. We are all each others’ teachers – engaging with others is the best way to learn to observe oneself.
To love someone is to give them room enough to grow.
When we engage with people with different value systems, we should pretend to be a Visiting Field Anthropologist, and without judgment observe them, rather than being critical or judgmental. (This is interesting because in my experience, when you observe people they will notice this and it also may make them feel unpleasant.)
To state what you wish, what you would like to have, is one of the most honest communications one person can make to another.
Relationships seem to flow most smoothly when people have a strong intuitive knowledge of each other. If you find it difficult to talk to someone, calling a third party (objective friend) can help. “Condemn the action but never the actor”.
The world religions teach that we need to love all our neighbors unconditionally in order to have good emotional and mental health. Neighbor […] is anyone of whom you are mentally aware.
Chapter 4: Keeping a journal. The author cautions against writing-for-the-purpose-of-having-someone-read your entries and puts more emphasis on writing for ourselves – the biggest advantage is that we can be truly open, but can also help with digesting/crystallizing an idea. Make sure to keep the date/time, place, etc. because memory plays tricks – this will also help us find patterns e.g. when some event happens in a particular place or time, we react to it in such and such way. Many things can be logged: prejudices, first impressions (and check their validity later), feelings, eating, moments, …
This was fun: “If you’re reading a book that seems particularly meaningful, you may want to transcribe those passages that are quoteworthy.” – which is basically what I am doing with this blog post 🙂
Chapter 5: Uses of Autobiography. Many things were familiar in this chapter, such as the usefulness of writing autobiographies (I’d done some small ones), or writing something and re-reading it later with the eyes of an Objective Observer.
Until you can love, cherish, understand and accept the child-that-you-were, your adult self will feel empty, tormented, lonely and deprived.
Chapter 6: On Dreaming. Freud said that dreams are the path to the unconscious. Journal as a way to recollect dreams. First, seek a literal message, and if none can be found, then proceed to metaphorical. “Only you can decode your dreams”.
Chapter 7: Meditation. A method for creating a center of quiet and stillness within yourself, in order to become a detached observer. Many techniques and sitting positions – anything works as long as we do it with erect spine. “I don’t believe any of us can recognize the saintly qualities in another unless we possess those qualities in some measure ourselves.”
Chapter 8: Awareness. Once you have learned the art of self observation, you should find that you are tuned into NOW a greater percentage of the time.
Conclusion. Based on this book, I found that *therapy seems to be mostly around rationalizing, keeping the self in context. This aligns pretty well mostly with Western philosophy, but there were some Eastern philosophical moments as well. Having read a bunch of philosophy stuff prior helped me to grasp the book easily. With self-programming, it is important to not go too deep into the meta, so as to not lose oneself – as with anything, it requires balance.
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